Once, when I was looking for the right place to buy a ticket for something, I asked a woman standing in a line ‘what is this queue for?’ and she replied ‘I don’t know.’ It’s amazing, isn’t it – us Brits actually like queuing so much that we will stand in queues even if there is nothing to be queuing for! With all this constant queuing, one might think that we’re very patient people. The thing is, it’s not that we actually enjoy it: we just like having something to complain about. That’s not patience: standing around displaying our stiff upper lip is more like having a passive-aggressive argument with the universe, whereas real patience is a happy mind. That’s right: not just putting up with it, but actually being perfectly content with things going wrong.
That’s why the practice of patience is so essential in our modern world: because things are always going wrong. We can’t change that – we can only change the way we respond. If you’re stuck in a traffic jam on your way to an important meeting, you have two choises: you can be late and stressed, or you can be late and happy. Neither option will take the traffic jam away: the only control we can take in that situation is over the state of our mind. We can choose to accept the situation we find ourselves in, not wishing it was different or saying ‘it isn’t fair’, and through that acceptance we stay at peace.
Geshe-la describes patience as ‘an open, accommodating, and peaceful heart.’ We always need patience; even if there are practical things we can do to improve our external situation, it is only patience that can solve the inner problem of stress and frustration. For example, our computer crashes; we feel irritated; we restart the computer and find it has miraculously saved all our work, so our external problem has gone away; but we still have a horrible state of mind because we allowed anger to take hold. So, we need to practice patience when there is nothing we can do to change our situation, and we need to practice patience while we are fixing those situations we can change.
Whatever our situation, we just recognize that it simply is the way it is. No amount of complaining is going to change that. If we can do something constructive to make things better, then good, go ahead: but at this moment, right now, this is what we’ve got and we must accept that for what it is. If we can do this, just accept ‘this is the way it is,’ then we relax, we stop fighting with the reality of our experience; then we can honestly say ‘it’s OK; this is the way it is and that’s OK.’
Take this further: Dealing With Anger day course