Most of the tips you see on how to develop self-confidence recommend telling yourself how great you are and that you can achieve anything. I’m not so convinced – sometimes this will just be setting you up for disappointment. If our confidence is based on the belief that we are better than someone else, then our bubble will be popped soon enough and we’ll end up discouraged. A more honest confidence comes out of recognizing the equality of self and others.
If we consider ourselves and others to be of equal importance, we level the playing field so there will never be a reason to think that our contribution to the world is less significant than anyone else’s. For example, if we’re in a meeting we can confidently express our opinion because we will feel that our view is just as valid as our colleagues’.
The confidence that is based on equalizing self and others also does not contradict being humble. I can’t remember who said this, but it’s a great quote:
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it’s thinking of yourself less.”
Humility grows out of an inner strength that values ourselves highly enough to be able to set our own agenda aside; we can take a back seat and give others the limelight because when we have authentic self-confidence we don’t need others’ recognition or approval.
Nothing good ever comes from dwelling on our own qualities and others’ faults. All that happens is that we develop a highly distorted, self-important view of ourself, and an arrogant, disrespectful attitude towards others….
There is no value in viewing ourself as more important than others and thinking only of our own qualities. It neither increases our qualities nor reduces our faults, and it does not cause others to share our exalted opinion of ourself.
If instead we focus on the good qualities of others, our deluded pride will decrease and we shall come to regard them as more important and precious than ourself. As a result, our love and compassion will increase and we shall naturally engage in virtuous actions.
This may sound like the opposite to most advice on developing self-confidence, but it had a much deeper impact because it is based on a recognition of our spiritual potential: the confidence we develop is based not on superficial things but on our potential for peace and our essential goodness.
